I have been outspoken about a few old timers that continue to run the show their way and say spiteful things in meetings. After he spoke I asked why he was so blessed and other people in the group were not. In any case, AA has been a good fit for me, and I really enjoy it.
And everyone always pretended to be so happy and it always came across as eerie and forced. I don't mind the God thing. I found it to be very cold and isolating. AA is NOT the "magic bullet" that non-alcoholics seem to think that it is. Sometimes the program and suggestions of today's AA do seem Cookie Cutter. It took me a long time to realise exactly where AA is at! There are good aspects of an anonymous blog. Let it be thrown into the ocean. It can as we know. Btw she's a total gossip too.
Over the years people have become very selfish, back stabbing and liars. I thought that I was one of these hopeless cases because of my many relapses over the years. They are so hardcore about their beliefs and ideas, and everybody outside of AA is "an Earth Person". I wont be giving a sponsor my home phone or cell phone number. Are you in Waterville, Maine by any chance. It's all just a little too much for grown people. No one benefits from having angry court-ordered attendees in a meeting. After all if was was in the pub I wouldn't choose to make friend with people I didn't like or have any time for.
I spent an hour writing an email witj a heart felt apology that was very sincere and personal to my old indian lady friend only to be ignored. Hi Tony, I agree with you about guilt, and this is something that work to avoid. Anonymous December 19, at AM. I am coming up on 8 months and have not done the steps with my former sponsor. To serve not to sponsor! A servant of selfless service. Dont feel bad about the relapses. But i have met a lot of nice people along the way that are not nazis.
If you're not hearing recovery in the meetings you attend, Bring it. After three years of playing around, I actually DID them. Yes, this happens. Just like in AA there can be a great deal of pressure in these groups to follow the herd. Good Reasons Not to Hate Alcoholics Anonymous Despite all its flaws though, I believe that the twelve-steppers offer a real treatment option for some drunks. The slogan "works if you work it, doesn't work itself" comes to mind. We seemed to connect. I sit in these things thinking "Well, I'll quit drinking just not to turn out like you guys.
Your probation officer, the judge, your treatment provider Sober is good. I look at AA as an exclusive not inclusive organization because it is religious. Anonymous July 4, at AM. So when the meeting was over I just got up and left. They caught me feeling guilty. In started to work the steps, but I'm the middle of doing so, went, "wait a second. AA has done him a grave disservice. Members do try to sell the 12 Steps as the only option and somebody needs to take responsibility for this.
It is the Steps which are offered as a solution. The meetings have become really watered down. Oh yeah. Funny thing is I never liked her. They're faith-based, not science-based. Albeit we have problems with alcohol, what else? I appreciate your responses and opinions. To sum up, I will quote their silly little book again. After I sobered up I was emotionally vulernable.
Unknown January 23, at PM. They all sat there with stone faces staring at me as I bumbled along. For me I will carry on going to AA. This is their whole life and they were very protective of their positions of power in their little pond. I'm coming from Los Angeles. Many people with long term AA sobriety around here commit suicide. In the Book of Genesis, God gave man the gift of free will. Evidence suggests that AA works better for people who are religious.
AA is not for everyone, all the time. But it is fundamentally a faith-healing program that discourages questioning on the part of its members, and as such it is logical that people might have a problem with it. I feel like god hates me everytime i go to aa, like growing up youth groups. Make the decision , take action and the changes, sometimes quickly,sometimes slowly will come. I've been trying this AA thing and it just doesn't sit well with me. I sit down and a guy casually drops a card in my lap that says "let go and let god" - what the hell am I supposed to do with that! Hi Alex, I think the problem with AA is that it is full of people — I think all groups tend to magnify our fralities as humans. I have railed against AA and will continue doing that. People like you and I can be the voices of reason and reality.
They are bottom feeders. Especially if you are being forced to go to AA or an AA based rehab. Now to AA's neurosis, psychosis, and all together fucked up shit. Some people really blossom in the program and go on to live fantastic lives that benefit themselves and everyone around them. It worked for me. No fucking thanks; I am the master of my own fate, thanks very much. Then be drunk as a coot that night. She wants me to call her everyday and do the 90 in I'm always grateful when folks stop by this blog for any reason. Unknown November 13, at AM.
Of course its a loose cult and it trades one addiction for another. I see people rebounding from one person to the next and its nuts. Either way, terrible odds. I keep going though because smart meetings are a little to mystic and new agey for me. AA has no interest in curing or making anyone better. Over the years people have become very selfish, back stabbing and liars. There really is a lot of non sense in AA. My experience has been that the private rehabs industry is just like any other business — if they believe there is sufficient demand for something they will provide it.
I say everything I have to say, first with my actions, then my spoken and written word. Hi- Welcome to Leaving AA. I've been trying this AA thing and it just doesn't sit well with me. A few months later, I got out of the camp thanks to the prisoner exchange. Thanks for doing that. It is not possible for a doorknob to relieve someone of alcoholism. And because they are told by cult members that they must not have had enough. She refused to even say hello or acknowledge me.
Sobriety is achieved in different ways by different people. They've been dragging my name through the mud and started false rumors about me and all the whiteys from the meetings have jumped on the band wagon and cover for the them. I have no fear of relapse which unfortunately many in aa have an extreme fear and combat any way of thinking by saying that and that and that will lead to relapse causing many ppl to buy into the dogma and lose hope. I mean that whole God is a doorknob thing cracks me up. The people set the tone for the meetings. You said you would rather not spend your time with complainers. They will literally throw you out of treatment if you do not like the 12 step pathway. Wow, I didn't know people could get this crazy. Really honestly fool themselves into a false sense of confidence that they have found the answer to life's problems in a formula. The 30 days where good to detox fully.
No one benefits from having angry court-ordered attendees in a meeting. If you don't really want to clean up then nothing is going to help so maybe stop blaming others? Some people really blossom in the program and go on to live fantastic lives that benefit themselves and everyone around them. I have no fear of relapse which unfortunately many in aa have an extreme fear and combat any way of thinking by saying that and that and that will lead to relapse causing many ppl to buy into the dogma and lose hope. That is really the only thing that matters isn't it? It was a good experience. It took me a long time to realise exactly where AA is at! It is the Steps which are offered as a solution. Maybe that will change one day but for now I am good and I am not too insane like they want to me to believe to eat able to determine when I am on my way out or not. Never heard from her again.
You do need a sharing partner for the fifth tho. It's a large meeting about 40 people. I hear ya, to be honest I don't have a drinking problem I just had a problem while drinking. It is easier to get Oxycodone. Because His chosen people come to Him when they have spent too much time in hell. Trying to have it both ways again. It destroys relationships and promotes loneliness that can only be filled by another AA member. Faith without deeds not faith without works.
Are you defining AA as the fellowship or the 12 Steps? We seemed to connect. Ever, and they will continue to Drive my ass around because I have a disease that gets me Arrested. To quote the big book "Lets look at the record". I don't reckon you'd engage in anything if you didn't think it was right for you. I think a lot of people hate AA because… a. Others have to find their own solutions and it is NOT easy. We're talking about our experiences dealing with problematic people in the program like you. I am in so cal however and there are many different meetings. You can choose to be sober without it.
Anonymous February 22, at AM. Whatever anyone remarks about you certainly show no signs of bitterness. They no longer call — just like the fair-weather friends from the bar. Anonymous May 25, at PM. How do you define the process of AA working? I stepped out into the cold rain and looked to the heavens with a smile. Omg - the last meeting I attended I about jumped out of my skin when they read "To the Wives". His parents have defintely gone off the deep end. I am too rational to believe in God or his friends, the "higher powers".
Are you also standing up for the Steps? Other issues i had were how AA claims credit for success stories, but says that failures are due to the individual. There is tons of support online from actual thinking people outside of the 12 step garbage. I found too that this is the case for AA. Her sponsor convinced her us socializing was a bad idea and then other woman tried introducing her to their male friends. Also the Orange Papers. I kind of recognize the signs. It may work for some people and not others. Can you say Marilyn Monroe? Finally, after 9 years, one would think you have learned enough that you no longer need to stay in the rooms whatever they are.
The whole character defect and diminishing yourself is problematic. Very good. My mom died of cancer last year I was her care taker and now My friend of 16 years has small cell lung cancer and im taking care or him. They all sat there with stone faces staring at me as I bumbled along. Tell me, you complaining Malcontended self-centered Whiners. I do drink beers now but I am careful not to get drunk. AA IS a God-based program. I had stopped for three weeks before going to a meeting. I got so sick of the cliques, gossiping, self righteous people constantly shooting off slogans. If someone would ever ask me if they should go to AA I would be the first to say give it a try but be open in mind.
Court mandated AA is really a joke, and being forced to socialize with these people you can't ignore them forever, unfortunately makes me resent the whole process. You can spend an hour a day with a bunch of people and obsess over drinking or devote that hour to working out, fixing your diet, joining a group, or any number of other productive things that actually empower you. The net result is that when you talk about problems every waking minute of the day, it takes a toll on your soul. It destroys relationships and promotes loneliness that can only be filled by another AA member. Now to AA's neurosis, psychosis, and all together fucked up shit. You are passively aggressively promoting aa. I think the problem with the criticisms of AA is that I know that when I was an active drunk I was suspicious of everything. Ebby was the end of that grace and he doesn't even get a mention? I refuse to constantly think I am doing something wrong. I wanted to see what other people who are not in the program are saying about it.
I have been outspoken about a few old timers that continue to run the show their way and say spiteful things in meetings. Anonymous October 5, at PM. It promotes s sense of dependency without any personal responsibilities. It's been over a year since I last attended a meeting and I have no real regrets. I say if AA is your way then go for it. Anonymous November 2, at PM. I personally am not, but I found the notion that my recovery was in the hands of God—a God who could be a doorknob or a breadbox! After I sobered up I was emotionally vulernable. And AA is not a religious cult?
Today an older lady dressed like a slut in a tight little dress came to take a cake. Thank you Tim for your wonderful reply. As for fanatics, I never realy saw people I thought were necessarily wrong in what they would say. I am in therapy for PTSD from growing up in an alcoholic home with violence etc, then other stuff happened as life carried on. If you sign up for therapy or any other types there is a waiting list. I have never met a perfect human! The rest of you it is none of my bussiness. Oh sorry I must be pissing on today. Paul you should be commended for that.
I did learn some things that have helped me stay sober and address other problems. It still pains me to think about what could have been. Unknown November 14, at AM. The program required a. Trying to live a life of sobriety revolved around alcohol. I hear that problem drinkers can learn to drink responsibly. Here are the unfortunate reasons the general public bags on A. I'm a step up and doing well in life from walking away from all that bulshit. Thank you! When I stopped taking them, the doctors told me I could go to AA.
Anonymous February 28, at AM. Trying to have it both ways again. Hi Alex, I think the problem with AA is that it is full of people — I think all groups tend to magnify our fralities as humans. Thank you Tim for your wonderful reply. Shouldn't people be striving for a self that is not a drink away from failure, from destruction? There is no reason to, and we would wish them well on the vine of life. Be careful what you "share" at AA, I convinced Cops, Narcs, snitches ,scammers, burglars and others listen to what people say so they can "set them up" and yes these people are in the Meetings. I feel like it is a branch of the Salvation Army without the uniforms. I lost a certain meanness and toughness that left me wide open.
In one of my earlier meetings I met an Indian woman. But of all the things I tried personally counselling, medication, different drugs! Paul, March 17th of this year marked 30 years of sobriety. Personally I find all forms of born againess a bit difficcult to take to include born again buddhists or born again i quit smokers if you get my drift. Even all the way here in Africa! If your like me and you have a good heart and you like helping people I pray you don't get taken in by these 12 steppers. One of the blacks and his black sponsor just looked at each other confused after the meeting, and played it off like it was fine. I think a lot of people hate AA because… a.
I got tired of listening to the same stories for eleven years. The program comsumes their entire life. I say everything I have to say, first with my actions, then my spoken and written word. Members do try to sell the 12 Steps as the only option and somebody needs to take responsibility for this. From Dr. Anonymous July 18, at PM. He was basically threating physical violence for not conforming to their indoctrination. Some members in AA who will tell others they are not sober if they are on medication for their mental health.
I'll post back if anything interesting happens. I've also tried all the anti drinking drugs-Antabuse naltrexone campral topamax. The group support can be wonderful in the beginning, but all these nice people do want something in return- buy in, believe, give slogan filled "shares" and repeat tomorrow. We view things as either good or bad. That lifted around 30 days this time. To this anonymous "not AA guru" poster: I think if you read and digest the original post and then the comments that follow, you will see that our line all the time has been, "If it works for YOU, then go for it. When they are not in meeting, there are on the phone talking to newcommers about their problems, recovery, ect. When I tried to do something positive I was mocked.
His wife drinks, that's ok. As long as you know what your getting yourself into. You can choose to be sober without it. Hi Tony, I can appreciate what you say about AA; there are a lot of unwell people who like to preach the message. They're faith-based, not science-based. Unknown November 14, at AM. It's just not my personality I was still seeing where I fit in in this group but would listen attentively as people spoke. Anonymous April 15, at PM. Anonymous October 13, at AM.
I have been in and out of AA since but the important thing is not giving up. I found that oug. How do you get out of this thing when u are here long enough?? They've been dragging my name through the mud and started false rumors about me and all the whiteys from the meetings have jumped on the band wagon and cover for the them. I am too rational to believe in God or his friends, the "higher powers". I wanted to see what other people who are not in the program are saying about it. This means acknowledging valid criticisms and making a serious attempt to improve things. His whole family drinks, that is not ok.
What makes me sick is I told her all of these personal things about me, and now that I know her, I find out she is a mean gossip. There are now so many people in the world who are focused on how other people are getting it wrong — a bit sad really. These days the internet is full of criticisms of everything; including groups like Al-Anon and AA. People would bring their children that would play in a nearby room with parents sitting by the doors to keep a watch. Once I started working the program like that I fell in love with AA again. That sure as hell won't happen in Sanford Florida people judge you people talk about you behind your back people throw chairs that have long-term sobriety people been punched with long-term sobriety quite frankly some of the people I know that have 15 years are squirrely other than the people that come in in day 2 I love aa cuz it got me off drugs I haven't drank in 2 years because I don't want to. There does seem to be unwillingness by advocates of the group to take responsibility for the problems that are there. Same angry reaction. I also know a lot about sobriety years of neutral bliss.
Venting is good for the soul. I have said over and over I don't want what these people have. Anonymous February 9, at AM. My doctor would not give me Vivitrol because he wanted me to join AA. Ive been sober for 6 months but my days in"the program" are done. Anonymous August 1, at AM. At least you're sober now. My dog however, loves and cares about me and keeps my secrets :. If anyone wants to go and find recovery another way that is up to them. I stopped going to AA after twelve years.
Sure AA people are friendly at face value, but its a toxic community. AA is not just a fellowship. Anonymous May 4, at PM. It is very sad that AA insists that a person can not live a normal life without AA. Pretty much sums AA up in my view although not an alcoholic personally my partner was. I dont really want to talk about the topic you mentioned,apart from the fact that I can see you are happy and have brought closure to apart of your life and moved on remarkably well. Judges and courts assign people to AA not the other way round. Yet when one of these jerk offs up and ODs. Theres something really unattractive about sitting in a room full of sick people bent on being the center of attention.
People trying to become famous looking to be friend celebrities. I actually wake up everyday with a smile on my face, embracing this beautiful life. I refuse to live in fear. I used to go to a meeting for the cookies. Hi Tony, I agree with you about guilt, and this is something that work to avoid. Once AA has asnwered those questions to the satisfaction of the broader scientific community, you can compare it to chemotherapy. It ruined my relationship with her and any chance we had of dating. I hear ya, to be honest I don't have a drinking problem I just had a problem while drinking.
I agree with you about the disease model being somewhat ambigous. Hope things go well with your sponsors sponsor. Since then I lost three. Im going thru the steps the bob and charly? They all talk shit behind each others back and the people drift apart. Hi Tony — I do think it is important to warn people about the potential dangers of AA. Hi Joe, I think addicts find it hard to do anything in moderation. The bottom hasn't gotten low enough. No 12 Steps for that!
I have a cousin in AA who has turned into a complete asshole. It left me very bitter, angry and resentful of the whole organization. This is where AA really falls short. April 7, Much… Why spend time literally hating AA? Whatever anyone remarks about you certainly show no signs of bitterness. It is bit sad really. Someone brought up something on my record I never said and would never say at a meeting and tried to convince me I did share that in a Meeting. Unknown November 14, at AM. That maybe so, I am not going to find out.
Then I became perplexed and defensive D'ya think?? Once AA has asnwered those questions to the satisfaction of the broader scientific community, you can compare it to chemotherapy. Anonymous October 6, at PM. I think that overall, the program is good for some people, but, like anything else in life there needs to be balance. For my part, in the four months that have passed since I wrote this post, I have given up AA completely, and I am doing fine in life. This is why so many peolple hate A. I refuse to constantly think I am doing something wrong. Hi Clara, I appreciate what you are saying here, and I agree that hating AA is a complete waste of time. There was no reason for you to read the post or the comments.